Incoherant ramblings of a Bible College Student
Okay, so I know I haven't written in here for a very long time. While not a very long time, just under a month, and I feel horrible, because I like writing in this thing, I never really have the time. I don't know what to right about either. Maybe I'll write about how school is completely over and done with in three weeks and there is a high possibility that I won't see half of the people here ever again in my life. Maybe I'll write about how braindead my head is right now becasue I'm frustrated because I can't find a gratis sub for the three days I'm going to be gone. Or maybe I will just right whatever pops into my head and seems right for me to write. Does that make sense? I don't know.I feel as if my life is going into an endless swirl of nothingness. I know God wants me at this school but for some reason I am having a hard time finding contentment. It seems I fight with Jenn almost everyday and I am always rushing to get my homework done last minute, and sometimes its not even done on time and it's just frustrating. I don't know, all my other friends seem to have friends everywhere and not just one little group. Then there is me who hang out with the exact same people every single day. Is that so wrong? How come sometimes I feel as if it is? And how come I am excited to go home at the end of the year but I want to stay here all at the same time? I want to be in two places at once and I wish that it were possible but I know that it is not. I don't understand myself sometimes.
Then there is Jenn and Alvin everything they do seems to be together and I feel a little lonely at times, thinking that I don't have someone special in my life to share important things with. I don't wish to be with someone though, I just feel incredibly lonely sometimes. And I still get homesick, I still get incredibly homesick sometimes, I just sit in my room and cry before I go to sleep, because I want to go home so bad. You miss so many things when you are away from home.
I missed my girls 8th birthday. Not my girl but a really good friend of mines girl and I hae watched her grow up for almost the past four years and now I can't watch her grow up anymore because I am not around there. It's kinda sad to miss important things like that. My best friend Beth is going through her very first heartache - I know it won't be the last but then I am not there to comfort her. My bestest bestest best friend Megan is getting a story she wrote published in the paper and I am not there to share in the joy with her.
There is so many things that go on in your home town that you miss when you are away. I miss not being there when my sister has her birthday. I miss not being there for a shoulder for my best friend to cry on when she is sick. I miss it all. I miss my mom, my dad, my sister... I even miss my brother and my cat although I would never say that out loud, especially to my brother because he would get so mad if I ever said something like that to him.
I have never written this much in a long time and I am quite enjoying it but I think my incoherant ramblings must soon come to an end.
I have been reading some grand books lately. They are called Harry Potter. I have also been reading Anne of Green Gables today and that is quite a delightful peice of work to enjoy on a Saturday afternoon. Did I really just say that? That seemed to come out of my mouth like anything I would say in a normal day... but normally I would not say somethign was delighful. What is wrong with me today? Have I lost my mind? Maybe the aliens have taken it over and are trying to transform me into something I'm not - a sophisticated young lady. That is definately something I probably never will be. I even suck at cooking. I can't cook really anything to save my life.
We are having hamburgers and french fries for supper in which case I'm excited, because I do really like burgers and fries. My favorite meal here however is grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. You would think that amist all these great foods they give us here at bible college there would be something I would enjoy more. Something more exciting the that but no there is not. I don't have a more tastier meal and I should think that I will never have a more tastier meal. Go figure. I am speaking so weird today, for me. I don't normally speak like this... I don't know what is wrong with me. There must be some incoherant ramblings going on in my head somewhere. I don't know.
I said a long time ago that this post would come to end and yet here I am still going on and on about nothing imparticular or seemingly very important. And I really have no desire to stop as I am on a roll, but I fear that if I don't I may never stop. Do you ever get that feeling? When you just want to write and write and write and never stop? That's the feeling I am getting right now. I don't want to ever stop. But I know I must and I must do it sooner then later because like I said, if I get going on something I may never stop.
I had a weird dream last night, there was a whole bunch of students from Full Gospel Bible College and we had just finished something and were getting into these three semi-trucks which is how we had gotten to where we were in the first place. The trucks were called, Scream 1, Scream 2 and something weird that I can't remember. I remember that in the one I got in was me and Gail and some people I don't remember, but Gail was driving. We hit an intersection and there was a car on the other side, but since we were on a gravel road there wasn't room for us to continue so she abruptly turned the corner and we drove on one side of the semi's wheels for like five minutes, how I'll never knkow. And someone was like "be careful gail, I don't want to be on the ground, by the semi flipping, I have had enough experience with that" and then semi was on it's side and we were like "look we fell over" and then I woke up. And that si the end to my bizarre dream and also to the end of my incooherant ramblings in which I should have ended long ago.
See you people in crazy land later, I doubt anyone will finish reading this post because it is so long but that is okay. I don't mind, this was more for my sake then it was for anyone else's.
But now I must say farewell.
Farewell.
posted by Gavers @ 4:23 p.m.
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