I thought it would get easier...
First of all this is the picture I was talking about and if you were all wondering this is a really old photo but it was the only one I could find that really showed my blonde hair well. This is what I looked like with blonde hair before I dyed it... that was the color of my hair. It was grade six.
Okay so I was looking for a picture of me when I had blonde hair to give to Dave because he didn't know my hair was dyed red and so I was searhing for it on my computer and I came across pictures of my grandparents' headstone and pictures at my grandmother's funeral and I just burst into tears.
I miss them so much, more then I ever thought. My grandmother hasn't been around for about a year and 3/4 and I miss her more then I ever thought possible.... my grandfather hasn't been around for about 2 years and 9 months... but I miss them so much.
People used to tell me it was easier when you were a Christian and one you loved died was a Christian because you knew where they were going, and my grandmother was that but it didn't make it any easier on me. I know it definately didn't on my mom. I still miss my grandmother a lot. And if it didn't make it easier for my grandmother's death then it definately wouldn't be easier on my grandfather's death.... my grandfather we don't believe was a Christian at the time he died, he never was, so I may never see him again and that kills me.
Anyway, I sat here and cried for like 15 minutes. Shouldn't I be over it by now? I don't know if the pain really has gone down over the years, like people say it will because it doesn't seem to have. I don't know why I'm burdening you all with this problem, I just needed to tell someone and say something because I just needed someone who would listen and since no one else is up at midnight.... well no one that I could get a hold of anyway, I just had to write down in here and even though it doesn't seem like anyone's out there listening.... I'm sure someone, at sometime will read this. I don't know why that gives me confort but it does knowing that someone who cares about me knows about this.
Sorry for burdening you with these problems.
Anyway, I feel a little better after letting all of that out.
posted by Gavers @ 12:06 a.m.
2 Comments:
Were all hear to listen Kim. Thanks for sharing. I honestly haven't experienced loss like you have yet in my life so I don't know what to say except that grieving can be a healthy thing.
I have nothing different to say than the other two, except to say that I, too, am here to listen. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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